Saturday, May 8, 2010

An unexpected blessing

"My autonomic nervous system doesn't regulate properly," I said to the Indian man sitting across from me.  He looked like a normal man in his lavender oxford shirt and dark pants, yet I could feel he had special powers.  Sure, I had read the extensive documentation on the Trivedi Foundation website of the miracles he has created in agriculture, microbiology, and human wellness.  I had heard him lecture.  But I had also felt his power the night before when he gave a group blessing to a crowd of 300 individuals.  I had felt energy entering through the soles of my feet and traveling up my legs.  I had returned home feeling light-hearted and happy.  I had slept more soundly.  I had done more that next day than I'd been able to do for a month.

Now I felt slightly nervous.  I could sense his ability to see below the surface and knew there was nothing I could hide from this man!  I had been waiting in the anteroom for fifteen minutes while he worked with another person, trying to ready myself, to stay calm and open and focused on the picture of vibrant health that I wanted to attain.  But already I could feel the tears rising in my throat.  

He leaned back in his chair, holding up the paper on which I'd carefully written out my health problems, neatly printing in capital letters.   He put the paper down.  "That's what the doctors say.  They don't know anything," he said, looking at me with a hint of annoyance.  "Tell me what your problem is."

"You mean my symptoms?" I stammered.  Tears moved closer to the surface, but anger flamed and dried them up.  How often had I been through this scenario with doctors!  The sleep specialist telling me to forget about the diagnosis of CFS (yet who then went on to suggest three potential diagnoses); the emergency room physician sputtering he couldn't help me since he'd never heard of ME and I couldn't remember the name of the medication I'd been given.

A minute after I'd listed my three most annoying symptoms, I sat cross-legged on the floor at his feet.  Mr. Trivedi placed his hand on the crown of my head.  I felt a downward pressure, and with it, a longing to stay just like this forever.  I focused on my prayers, visualizing myself actively participating in life.  His fingers touched my forehead a few times.  Then he said something like, "Go rest, be quiet, and don't talk to anyone."  My memory no longer retains it.  I was already flooded with feelings.

I moved into another dark room, wrapped an afghan around my shoulders, and tried to collect myself.  I was supposed to sit quietly and empty my mind.  I tried to meditate, but emotions and thoughts tumbled around in my mind.  I should have said ....  I'm so disappointed!  The person before me got much more time.  Am I that unimportant?  That bad off that I can't be helped?  Why didn't I ask him about ....?  He doesn't understand my illness, just like everyone else...Quiet your mind, you're supposed to rest.  How can I rest when I feel miserable? Stop thinking about it.  He doesn't need to understand every detail to envision my divine blueprint and restructure my energy field.  This inner monologue went on until a balding man, younger than Mr. Trivedi and clearly an American volunteer, tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could leave.

 I was ushered into a small room where a toddler sat drawing on the lap of the woman who would give the exit interview, or debriefing.  Another woman who'd received a blessing sat beside her.  I took an empty chair facing towards them and handed over my registration papers.  "This is the first time all day I've had two people who only needed another 2 to 3 blessings!" the interviewer said.

I expressed surprise, explaining that I'd expected to need more than most people with my serious, intractable health issues.

"You look like the picture of good health!" both women exclaimed, as tears welled in my eyes for the second time that evening.  I told them a little bit about the symptoms of CFS-ME, avoiding the misleading label of our ridiculously inappropriate name, and then we returned to the exit interview.

"The number of additional blessings you need has to do with how receptive you are to the blessing energy," the interviewer said.  "Guruji just gets the information from the Source and writes down whatever is told to him."  I left feeling calm and cheerful.
When I climbed into my car -- a full two hours since entering the building -- it was 8:30.  I drove home in the twilight, catching glimpses in my rear-view mirror of orange and pink clouds brushed across the horizon until the sky turned black.   By the time I got home, my husband was fast asleep  I crawled into bed, waking him momentarily.  "I want to go to the retreat in June," I announced.  "I hope you'll come with me."

The next day was wild!  I had been warned about detox reactions, but I hadn't expected a string of intense emotions, similar to the dramatic ups and downs I'd experienced with chelation and neural therapy.  I went through anger and rage, pettiness, pouting, depression, waves of grief, apathy, restlessness, boredom, resentment, annoyance, and irritation.  I couldn't stand hanging around the house, so I drove out to visit a friend who lives in the country, petted her adorable young lamb and her two dogs, and walked through the fields petting her two horses and a few of the more friendly rams.  Many minutes later -- was it 15?  20? -- I realized I was getting tired and needed to sit.  I had stood on my feet longer than I had in 5 weeks and still did not have palpitations and a stress reaction.  

More emotions when I got home.... I let the tears flow as I moved through a few gentle yoga poses on my mat.  I still wasn't sure what to make of the whole thing after dinner, but I knew I was getting benefits.  Gone was the foul odor in my mouth from the dental surgery and new dental appliance.  My breath smelled normal.

The next day, I awakened with a feeling of absolute certainty that I was healed on a high vibrational level.  My physical body was weak after 20+ years of disabling illness (ME-CFS), and had a lot of recovery to work through, yet I felt the body knew where it needed to go.  It had a revised blueprint now, and it was just a matter of building one element at a time, brick by brick, layer by layer.

Over the next week, I took my blood pressure and pulse several times a day.  Despite the drops in blood pressure and rise in pulse (up to 95 from walking down a hallway), I did not have a single bout of palpitations.  Nor did I experience the cascade of stress hormones that previously left me with dry mouth, fatigue, and insomnia. I slept 9 - 10 hours a night.  For three days I had detoxification stress ranging from constipation to intermittent headaches, body aches, and slight nausea, for which I took activated charcoal and chitosan.  On Wednesday, I did some weight training for the first time in 5 weeks, and although I needed to rest after my 10 minutes in the gym, I did not get a stress reaction.  I continued to build strength towards the end of the week.  For the last two days, my pulse has stayed below 85 and my blood pressure has been at a healthier level more often.  The hellish experience of the last six weeks has finally ended.

In addition, I am experiencing more sweetness in meditation and less struggle with a racing mind.  Each time I meditate, I have a new experience of awareness, or of peacefulness.  In meditation I have a sense of God's palpable presence that is different from anything I have experienced in the past.  I have worked with many spiritual teachers, energy healers, physicians and holistic practitioners in the past.  This is the first time I have ever experienced this wonderful sense of inner certainty!    

1 comment:

  1. Such a good story. My new acupuncturist said the same thing to me last week, something like, "That's what the doctors say, what are your symptoms?" and then he said that my illness wasn't very serious and I could recover, and I thought, "Then you must not have heard everything I said!" but I didn't say that. I also recently had a sleep neurologist tell me CFS was not a disease, it was a syndrome that could be fixed with sleep hygiene and a positive attitude. That was one of the few times I really tried to argue with a doctor and of course I ended up in tears.

    I'm always interested in hearing what kind of feelings/experiences people have when they meditate. Glad your blueprint is revised, good luck with the building.


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