Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A revolving door - part 2 - and more blessings
It’s getting a bit old, this current relapse. I documented its start with a fear/stress trigger on March 26, its development through April with cardiac symptoms like chest pain and palpitations, and some of the ins and outs I experienced in the month of May.
I hoped neural therapy would prevent it from getting really bad, from sending me down another notch or two on the energy/fatigue scale as every previous relapse had done. And I believe it did help. But neural therapy didn’t prevent me from relapsing, and was only able to control my symptoms for a few hours after each treatment. I suffered during the intervening days with the unpredictability of old symptoms emerging at the slightest stress – standing for a few minutes too long, sitting at the computer when I was tired, getting up from my seat at intermission during a concert.
At the end of March, I heard Mr. Trivedi speak in
, and received a blessing from him. Whether it was placebo or a holy miracle, I had a few days of detox and a long spate free of cardiac symptoms. Then, I went in for another neural therapy appointment. As soon as the needle pierced my skin, I knew I’d made the wrong decision. I knew I should have cancelled and continued to let the Trivedi blessing work its magic. But there I was, lying on the examination table, Doc’s syringe filled with German homeopathics called pleos. I winced at one injection after another, cursing and complaining loudly about the pain, pleading with him to do the absolute minimum. When he finished, I felt wound up like a spring. The effervescence joy I had when I’d entered the office was gone, gone, gone. “I feel much worse,” I said, and he put his hands on me again, feeling my pulses and the flow of energy. He got out his lights (infrared, laser) and his pulsation device and began ‘unwinding’ me until I felt almost as good as I had when I first arrived. Columbus
While NT had seemed to help in the past, now it brought me back to my pre-Trivedi blessing state. I had episode of palpitations two hours later. Using EFT (emotional freedom technique), I tapped on acupressure points silently mouthing affirmations, and kept myself from going into a full blown stress reaction.
With Folirinse/B12 as a tool to lower norepinephrine, and EFT to reduce the mental fear response of relapsing, I hoped I’d quickly return to the calm of my post-blessing state. But I didn’t leave well enough alone. I went to the acupuncturist who had helped me two weeks earlier, and got so terribly unbalanced again that I suffered for over a week with a new symptom: waking in the middle of the night feeling exceedingly hot, with chest pain, and palpitations.
I signed up for a remote group blessing with Trivedi – a two hour conference call on May 11 with Trivedi and other blessees – with the hope of getting from it the same benefits I’d gotten the first time. Surprise! I had the same reaction I’d had from the acupuncture but worse: gastric burning and a huge swollen gland added some new flavors to the CFS stew. I was keyed up all morning. The Folirinse B12 combination didn’t help. I finally got some pot from a friend, took two drags and got rid of my chest pain.
This middle of the night waking with palpitations and burning went on and on and on. I did the normal juggling of supplements, stopping this, starting that, without seeming to have much impact. Other nights, my stress arousal started early, and I wouldn’t fall asleep until 5 am. By the end of the week, I was an emotional wreck and extremely wired. Still I didn’t lose faith in the benevolence of the Trivedi blessings. The holy man Trivedi has prayed for my happiness and my well-being. I had been blessed, and I felt blessed.
I reminded myself of a few things he’d said during one of his discourses: his intention is transformation. When he prays for happiness for everyone in the group on the call, he doesn’t know if one person’s happiness depends upon beginning a romantic relationship while another person’s happiness depends upon ending a stressful relationship, but God knows. We don’t take the audacious stance of telling God what we think we need, for we could be wrong; we let God direct our transformation. I had asked for vibrant health, to be able to serve others, to be active in the world and share my gifts. I had to accept that a worsening of symptoms was a possible reaction – a step in the healing process. It helped that, despite my physical misery, I maintained a great state of mind. I kept thought of my body trying to find its way back to its original blueprint for vibrant health. And I considered the possibility that the core issue of my illness was getting more and more focused.
Fast forward a few days. Brian, the Most Fantastic Acupuncturist Ever, was coming into town for a week. I was looking forward to getting his input on my condition; I knew he would not keep the needles in for too long. I knew he would monitor my pulses and my energy flow as he worked. Each time he moved the needles, I felt the blockages release and the energy begin to flow. I left his office mellow and relaxed. But when I got in bed at night, I was too wired to sleep. I had a headache the next day and felt terrible unbalanced all over again. I put all my hopes in another Trivedi blessing, which I had scheduled two nights ahead.
This time I had an individual remote blessing. I got ready early and sat quietly in my room in the dark, my spine straight, my eyes closed, envisioning myself in my mind’s eye as active and healthy. All of a sudden I felt a jolt of energy course through me. It was a pleasant energy, not quite blissful, but a feeling I could readily enjoy for hours on end – or as a continual state. I glanced at the clock: it was exactly 10:03, the time scheduled for my blessing. I rested for awhile and enjoyed a very pleasant state.
Since the first blessing had once cleared up my sleep problems, I expected the second one to do the same thing. Instead, I was up half the night, and up half the following night, grateful that I could sleep until 11 am. After that, I’d have a normal night every few days interspersed with one or more sleepless nights. If the Trivedi blessings were ‘working’, it was not on the physical plane of symptom relief!
By the end of the week, the benefits of the blessings came clear. Trivedi emphasized that blessings help us to listen to our inner voice. Each time I lay down to do yoga nidra, I would set my intention: As the blessing unfolds, may I make all the right choices for my healing. Invariably, I’d realize that I didn’t want to go into my next NT appointment, and when I finished relaxing, I’d call the office and cancel. Soon I was able to accept that I would not be going in for treatment at the end of May, nor in early June right before and right after the Trivedi retreat. Apparently, I was going to need a long break. Perhaps, I would never go back. Perhaps I would recover on my own from the blessings. Perhaps everything would work out, just as it should.
And lo and behold it did, but not the way I expected it to work. Next time I write, I'll tell you more.