Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Energy and Emotional Healing

Thanks to four energy-emotional healing sessions this week, I am feeling MUCH BETTER!

Two were shamanic healings, one a hypnosis coaching session, one worked on releasing trauma in this life and in ancestors.  They all worked together beautifully to bring me out of fear and into POSITIVE emotions. :-)

The physical benefits are that the soles of my feel no longer feel tender and swollen; I am sleeping for long periods during the night; and I can stand for long enough to make meals for myself (not as long as I could before the snowfall-induced adrenaline crash).  The down-side is that I got another cold and spent 2 1/2 days (from Sunday night through Tuesday) with chills even though I was wearing wool long underwear and resting under a down quilt.  All those intense emotions coming out weakened my immune system, but I am bouncing back quickly because I did not board the train to Doom & Gloom.

After reading a friend's blog, I tried visualizing myself well six months from now to shift out of wanting and longing -- states that continually reinforce lack.  It was not easy.  When the hypnotist-coach invited me to do something similar a day or two later, I could not visualize my life three years hence.  The process of remembering how great I felt in the summer of 2007 filled me with grief, and contributed to my getting another cold.

Fortunately, I viewed the cold as something temporary-- a contraction of my energy field due to grief, a typical response of my immune system after a period of stress, a physical manifestation of my lung meridian imbalance due to the intense emotions of sadness.  I thought about running into the doctor to get NT or an i.v., but instead I rested and empowered myself by reminding myself that I could heal on my own.

Today I listened to the Gupta Amygdala Retraining programme sessions 1 and tried the visualization of myself well 6 months from now.  It was easy to do today (remember that it was difficult, even impossible on Monday, and now it is Wednesday.)   I had a big smile on my face.  I could see the champagne flowing at a great celebration party of the New Resurrected Me.

I made up my mind that I am going to radically cut back on going in for neural therapy and i.v.'s.  I find the experience too stressful since my doctor is always late and his office is disorganized. Usually, I am stuck in the office for 3 hours, sometimes 4; on top of that I have over 2 hours of driving.  It is too much to do twice a week.  Furthermore, the chelations keep me from sleeping, and sometimes the neural therapy keeps me from sleeping.  All this has created too much stress  and left me feeling unempowered and deprived of the few good things that nourished my life prior to starting treatment.

On top of this, I stress myself out by worrying about how much money this NT guy charges and how much it has cost me so far!This makes me feel that I have to get better soon because I don't want to keep paying his outrageously high fees.  Then I start to examine my progress and I get filled with doubt.   Every little setback increases my stress response because I start adding up the $$$ and the extra weeks of therapy I might need before I actually function at a higher level.

So here is my new resolve:  After my dental surgery next Monday, I will continue with 2x a week until my stitches come out. Then I will drop down to 1x a week for the month of May and then to 1 every other week as soon as possible, ideally in June.   I think I'll be able to handle every other week without getting unduly stressed out.  Who knows?  I may even try another EDTA chelation once I come to a stable, calm place.

Once I am convinced that I have made progress, and will continue to make progress, I think the rate of my healing will increase exponentially.  I will continue to work with the healers who helped me make a radical shift in attitude.

Anyone who wants to learn more about shamanic healing or energy work or hypno-coaching, feel free to ask in the comments below.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Support Dr. Myhill

I learned today that Dr. Sarah Myhill, a UK physician who works with ME/CFS and to whom we are indebted for a fine clinical study demonstrating mitochondrial deficiencies in ME/CFS, has been threatened with the closure of her website and her medical practice by the UK medical board.

Here is a link to the site where she describes the situation:

I just wrote the following in her support:
 Dr. Sarah Myhill's website is a valuable source of information.  I have consulted it numerous times n dealing with my own illness and often refer clients and patients to it.  She is one of the few physicians in the world with an understanding of ME/CFS that goes beyond the superficial level.  She knows how to improve quality of life for people with this illness.  It is no surprise that other physicians are jealous (if that indeed is their motivation in complaining about her); they would do better to study her research, value her clinical experience, and make her work available to more people who need this help.  Traditional therapies of CBT and GET help very few individuals with true ME.

Please join me in supporting Dr. Myhill.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Mind over matter: who's the boss anyway?

I saw Doc this morning for N.T. and also did an i.v. without chelation agents.  Here's what he said: the trigger (the chemical burn in my eye that led to adrenaline rush) blows a fuse and stimulates a 'memory circuit.'   We all know the body (and mind) are built to remember traumatic events with more force and robustness than normal and/or pleasant events, but if one can intervene before the new process gets too deeply imbedded, it can easily be reversed.

He did some more woo-woo type things -- using a gadget like a massager that alternated pushing on two nearly spots at a high rate. He tapped and moved things around my left eye, pushed here and there, until he felt that he had disconnected the trigger from the physical reaction of the body.  Then he did the NT injections (tonsils, gums, upper chest, back, ankles, lower belly).  

He smiled confidently,  convinced he knew exactly what to do to keep me from spiraling downward -- clearly a source of pride for him to be able to help.  For in the past, I was so helpless to stop the crashes, using only the supplements and psychological tools that had aided me on my slow recoveries, but not strong enough to cut through the blown fuse.  His confidence in himself gave me confidence that this time it will be different!

He told me that I am taking the treatments more rapidly, e.g. getting balanced on his treatment table with less effort.  I am holding between treatments now.  It won't be long before I can drop to 1 treatment a week.

I know I have to work on my mind -- if I can keep it from racing down the doomsday path and keep up my good spirits -- I'll be assured of faster progress.  Even though I don't buy all the stuff promulgated in [I]The Secret[/I], I can see how my thoughts create a physiological state of anxiety and grief that put further stress on my system, especially my sensitive kidney meridian /adrenals, and make it that much harder to rebound.  So that's my new goal -- getting help from energy workers and hypnotists to keep hope and joy afloat at all times.

I'm sitting here with my feet hurting (a sign of poor vasoconstriction in the legs, associated with orthostatic intolerance) and rolling them over this roller-pin shaped massager.  I'm feeling positive and hopeful.  But the Negative Train is waiting at the station, whistling as if it's ready to start rolling to the land of Doom and Gloom.   I keep turning my head away from it, looking for the Train headed to Success and Joy.    

I just made two appointments for next week -- one with a hynotherapist/coach, the other with an energy healer.  The energy healer picked up my distrust and 'saw' me as divided between the part that wants to heal and the part that is stuck and closed in illness.  I am excited about releasing these stuck places and strengthening the open, hopeful parts.

The multiple traumas of failed medical therapies are memories that impede my ability to fully embrace the possibilities offered to me now.  It will be therapeutic to write them up this week.  It will give me something else to do to avoid finishing my taxes.

A big THANKS to everyone who wrote in support and to ALL who sent loving thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Aminos: Going for the Gold

Going for the gold?  As if I'll ever do anything competitive again, especially anything physical!  But the amino acid product I started today is touted to help athletes build lean muscle mass more than any other protein or amino acid supplement on the market.

The product is called MAP, or SON Formula (two labels, same product.)  You can read about it here:  Extensive research and testing shows that this combination of amino acids goes into rebuilding the body 99%, with only 1% wasted, compared to dietary proteins and other amino acid combinations which range from 20-60% utilization and lots of wasting.

I've had a history of testing low on urinary amino acids but normal on plasma amino acids.  Rich Van Konynenberg and my doctor think that PWC's like me burn up the amino acids for fuel instead of recycling them for rebuilding and detox.  If this product works the way it is supposed to work, I expect to feel some difference.

I'm looking at the two rolls of belly fat I put on with this last relapse, the first 9 months staying with my Mom and eating her delicious cooking without having to tire myself out.  Being a purebred, certified, Jewish mother, she always encouraged me to finish everything on my plate, sometimes imploring "Jansi, can't you eat this one last bite?"  How could I disappoint her when I knew that throwing out even a tiny morsel of food is tantamount to committing a misdemeanor, punishable by facial expressions ranging from disappointment to annoyance?

Now, 2 1/2 years later, I am starting again to do a little bit of exercise on the treadmill, elliptical trainer, stairmaster, and rower -- hoping this tiny amount of exercise combined with the aminos will begin to turn fat into muscle.  The Human Growth Hormone I started four days ago should also help me meet this goal.  I watch the timer carefully and keep my pulse at about 100 bpm.  I started  about 2 months ago with two minutes and beautiful visions of how I would increase 15 seconds a day and work up to 20 minutes by the time the weather got warm.

Well it has been 70 degrees around here this week; the yard is full of yellow daffodils and pink magnolia blossoms; but I'm not even close to 20 minutes yet!

The Longest Cold Ever came on January 28 and thwarted my plans.  It hung around, went away for awhile, came back, went away, then stayed and stayed and stayed.  Mom and I cancelled our vacation in Cancun.  I got lots of neural therapy treatments, acupuncture, and i.v.s with Vitamin C and hydrochloric acid (which supposedly knocks out colds).  I took supplements to my doctor whose muscle testing 'showed' they weakened me, so I put them back on the shelf.  

One morning in late March (end of week 7), I got disgusted and decided to take everything I had in the house -- antibacterial, antifungal, immune support.  I made a disgusting tea with echinacea, horseradish, myrrh, cayenne, and garlic (all in tinctures), and when it cooled a bit, I swallowed capsules, including those for which I muscle tested negative.  A week later, all my symptoms disappeared.  Time to go back to my exercise.  (BTW, I used up the tinctures but am still taking the 3 pills.)
In the past 2 weeks, I worked up from 4 minutes of gentle aerobic exercise to 7 and 1/2 minutes.  I feel energized right afterwards, although I often feel cold and tired later in the day -- a sign my energy production is still shutting down in response to the exercise challenge.  I cut down to alternate day and kept lying down for naps even when I wasn't tired.  One day I found myself feeling so great that I ran all 25 feet to the mailbox and danced around the kitchen while putting away dishes.  Then I had a huge setback.

I got caught in a freak snowstorm last week, with a burned out headlight.  I got a flat tire, and as I pulled over to the side of the highway realizing I would be waiting a long time for AAA road assistance, I felt an adrenaline rush.  Deep breathing and closing my eyes didn't do anything to reduce it.  Four hours later at 1 a.m., I returned home locked into the adrenalated state.  I could barely lie still in bed, and nothing in my bag of tricks or medicines had a calming effect on my system.  The next 3 days I was extremely fatigued.  I logged in 10-12 hours of sleep two nights in a row, but my nervous system still felt unbalanced, wired and tired.

At my next NT session, the doctor (who hadn't seen me for 2 weeks), was pleased.  "You've held steady," he said, referring to an earlier conversation about how he determines when a patient is ready to cut back from 2 treatments a week to 1 treatment a week.

I lamented about my increased fatigue and how frustrating it had been to find myself locked in the 'on' position for so long.  He explained that this is typical of a neuro-endocrine disease. I left feeling comforted by his words and energized from the NT injections.

The next day I had another setback.  After a lovely nap outside in the sun, exposing buns and belly to that Vitamin D producing elixir, I stumbled into the bathroom to dress and popped a contact lens with cleaning solution into my eye.  Ouch!  I got a chemical burn and another adrenaline rush.

This double onslaught -- two adrenaline rushes 5 days apart --  was too much for my fragile neuro-endocrine system.  Orthostatic intolerance returned.

How often do we fail to appreciate things until we lose them?  I know I don't spend enough time practicing gratitude for all the good things I have in life.  I spend too much psychic energy dwelling on what I want and on what I've lost.  But now that I can't stand long enough to make meals for myself -- after 6 months of treatment and enough $$ to buy a luxury automobile -- I appreciate the freedom I had when I could walk around the house, put things away, wash the dishes, shop, prepare food, and still have enough 'standing power' to brush my teeth at night.

People try to encourage me with "Don't worry, it's just a temporary setback."  How I'd like to believe them! But everyone with ME-CFS knows this:  you can never tell if a setback is going to be short term or long term until you have moved beyond it.

I have been grieving for two days since my second NT appointment failed to reverse the returning symptoms orthostatic intolerance.  My only consolation is that it is not that bad yet.  I do not have palpitations and dry mouth.  I just have the sore feet, tired legs, and no desire to stand.

Meanwhile, I seem to be capable to continuing with exercise but I am not sure it is a good idea.  I did 7 minutes yesterday morning, plus weights, and felt terrific for a few hours afterwards.  But in the evening I was way too tired, with worse orthostatic than the previous day, and poor sleep.  Today I just did yoga, and I think I'm going to stick with that gentle balancing practice until Doc's magical NT treatments whisk away the O.I.

My first day on MAP/Son Formula:  1 pill before lunch.  1 pill 2 hours before dinner.
A.   a headache that feels like a detox headache even before taking the second pill.
B.   feeling stronger in my yoga practice; enjoying the feeling of my muscles working as I hold poses a little longer than I usually do.